if i could hang forty miniature dumbbells from the inside sockets of your eyes and make them heavier at an exponentially dangerous rate, you would stop asking me how i am feeling. i haven’t slept in a week. my eye movements have been anything but rapid, my brain strings words together like chunky mismatched beads and my body feels like a blowup sex doll trying to run a marathon in heels (and im sure i constantly have the same exact facial expression too). I NEED REM SLEEP BUT MY BODY WONT LET ME HAVE IT. is this some sick joke my body is playing on me? am i on a hidden camera show for science?? is this karma coming after me for having a life after college??!!
as if life wasn’t already one ridiculously cruel acid trip, a work party took place last night. this is just unspeakably wrong and unnatural on soo many levels. ‘work’ and ‘party’ should never be in the same sentence because there is an inevitable risk of witnessing things you cant never ever unsee. going to work on monday may be the most awkward day of my life. i think my boss is an alcoholic. he was 3 drinks deep before appetizers and didn’t even care to ask if i was of legal drinking age before force feeding me shots at the afterparty. it was an absolute clusterfuck of very questionable flirtation, belligerently horrid singing, and sexually-frustrated vibes of awkwardness from some people that really need to come out of the closet. i very much want to say i had a good time, but it was a strangely morbid and forbidden type of fun that im not sure is even allowed to be felt.
the weather has been rather humid lately. i dont know if it actually has been, but ive been sticky and uncomfortable for days on days on days. its like one of those hot flashes that you cant recover from no matter how many times you shower. i have no idea what my body is up to, but this proverbial heat wave is fogging up my mind and rendering me confused for some reason. i cant even describe what it is exactly that ive been confused about – its everything and nothing. and the more i think about it, the more my organs start to sweat. yes this sounds weird and disgusting, and it totally is.