its 3:30 am sunday night/monday morning and i think im officially an insomniac. im stumbleupon-ing space exploration and illegally downloading the iLife suite for my computer.

a few thoughts i can manage to scramble together –

its fucking cold in my room and i cant leave my little puddle of heat to close the window and/or take off my makeup. ergo, i will feel AND LOOK like a zombie tomorrow.

my thoughts are awfully loud when the house is this quiet and still. im paranoid someone will be able to hear how much my inner thighs hurt or how im gasping for air from breathing as quietly as possible.

i have this constant fear of becoming bored with things/people. i dont know if its just some exaggerated fear of commitment, or if i have ADHD, but there is a looming doom that im going to self-sabotage something good in exchange for the hunt of something new or better. im unsure what it will be, but it will be epic no doubt.

there is a friend that hasnt been much of a friend lately that wants to go out as friends to say farewell before he moves away but im not a fan of donating my time to selfishly inconsistent people that can’t roll with the punches. man, typing that out is already more effort than im willing to put into this dilemma. i dont miss drama.

i need to change my bc asap before i start to get noticeably fat.

thoughtcatalog has been really disappointing me lately. normally i see at least several pieces that inspire me to write something half as good, but in all honesty, this here post of my delirious ramblings is exponentially more interesting and thoughtful than tc right now. and thats just sad.

ive noticed that i like art that that freezes or documents emotion. art has always been my lifeblood but could never really explain why, or maybe ive just never really thought about it seriously. i think i have a hard time understanding/feeling/empathizing/experiencing emotions, so its always so fascinating to me when a simple photo, song, or journal entry can make me feel something. and in turn, i always feel a great sense of accomplishment when i can do the same and capture any type of feeling in my art, whether i personally experience it or not.

my college diploma still hasnt come in the mail and it doesnt concern me too much because i dont need a piece of paper to validate my education and self worth, but it would still be nice to have, ok??

i also want to brush my teeth but i dont think that will be happening.

if one day i find myself with a lot of money, i want to build a beautiful house somewhere in a lush forest. it will be the most zen thing on this planet.i want a tree growing out of the center of my living room, and many libraries with old books and leather-bound journals. i want brick walls and wood walls and glass and natural light. it needs several fireplaces, hammocks, dogs, pianos, antique rugs, and extra large coffee mugs. i want everything to look and feel comfortable and i want to be happy in it.

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